My heart has been on a journey for the last several weeks. On this journey I have had to let go of many of my expectations of God pertaining to his plans for me. Of course, now that I'm technically in my late 20s, and still alone in a big city (for the most part), I don't feel I had any other recourse unless I wanted to continue writhing in self-pity.
So I chose the former. I threw my pre-conceived notions of my future (or at least my desires for my future) out the window. I have spent a lot of time singing songs about it ("To God my deepest heart...You have all my heart"; "In Your freedom I will live...I offer devotion") that it was time to worship in a Romans 12 way and live my empty words out. I knew full well this wouldn't happen in a day, so I took the one-day-at-a-time approach.
Before I knew it, I was finding my ample opportunities to be alone very welcoming. I knew nothing & no one else could fill me, and for once, I didn't want anything else. To let God & God alone fill my life has been a daily conscious goal for me, and in that I've found myself distracted from the source of my self-pity: myself.
The next thing I knew, God was throwing me a bone. This didn't happen in the sense that He snapped His fingers to my exact specifications. Instead, He gave me an opportunity to step up & step out in faith so that He too could show Himself faithful. Now I find myself on a brand new journey of sorts that is due to last an indeterminable amount of time.
The journey tastes sweet and I'm looking forward to new challenges & growth opportunities ahead. I now know that apart from the Lord, though, this part of my life cannot live up to its fullest potential...and I don't think I want it any other way. Therefore, I will continue to wait patiently each day and strive to walk in the freedom to become more like Jesus.
