I've realized this much: it seems that in many ways I am living for the world (things that pass away) v. living for eternity (things that do not pass away), which I suppose is a part of the situation in which I am trapped. I know I do not want to be tied to this world but if someone gave me a check for $x0,000, I do not know if it would be that easy to let go of the things of this world I have grown accustomed to. However, I know I have made more difficult decisions than this, and I have never felt less obsolete than when I have devoted my world to serving someone other than myself.
I know there is a way out. I do not want it to take 10 years or more, but even if it does, there is a way out, and it will be worth it. I just have to find it. My soul depends on it.