Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun; Secrets, Secrets Hurt Someone

A few weeks ago I decided to mention an unspoken prayer request to some friends of mine; however, my stupid, blabber-mouth self decided that if I at least gave minimal details, the others could at least pray more specifically without knowing too much information. I decided to mention the bare necessities of the situation, as it involved another mutual friend and my confidence level was not looking so hot. Of course, while I didn't mention names or subject matter, what I didn't count on is that any of these people would remember what I had said to them.

A couple weeks after that, I was gathered with said people, as well as Said Person. One of the said people decided to take it upon himself to ask me for an update on what I had mentioned in front of everyone, including Said Person. Though Said Person's attention seemed to be diverted at the time...still...talk about awkward!

Just the other night, some of us guys were shooting the breeze when one of them said, "Hey, I know I'm changing the subject, but I was gonna ask..." with a humongous grin on his face. You know that grin...it's the one you get when somebody asks you about a member of the opposite sex. However, I quickly silenced him and politely stated that this was off-limits and not open to discussion.

At that point, I would've been fine. Nevertheless, it is me we're talking about.

Prior to the questions being brought up, we were talking about how certain situations amongst our mutual friends are bound to create some form of drama - mild or otherwise. Like I said, I would've been fine...had I kept my mouth shut. Instead, some synapse in my brain misfired, convincing me it was necessary to mention that if it were in reference to a girl, then the very thing we were discussing would be the reason I would not want to mention any details.

Then, my friend's facial expression went beyond the goofy grin. His eyes began to widen & gleam. You know that look...the one that says "Say no more...I know exactly who you're talking about...and it is JUICY indeed!"

It was unmistakable.

The moral of this story: if you're going to keep a secret, keep the secret a secret, and so on. No one is as dumb as they may seem, especially when it comes to other people & social situations. Give them a little, and they will take a lot.

To my long-distance friends: I appreciate everything about our friendship, including the distance, except for the part about not talking or hanging out very often. Secrets are much easier to keep in close proximity when they are leaked out at a distance.

I wish I was better at keeping secrets.

Je-rry! Je-rry! Je-rry!

I'm toying with the idea of purchasing a mobile home at some point within the next few months.

That is all.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Empty

Once again I have kept all few of you waiting, and yet have nothing to bring to the table once again.

I often tell people that the cleanliness of my work and/or living space is a pretty accurate picture of the order of my life. Right now, my desk is cluttered with useless crap and the front of my tiny apartment is in disarray from a week ago Sunday. However, I can now see my bedroom floor. This is an improvement, if nothing else.

My level of security & self-esteem can be described as waning and inconsistent at best. In laymens' terms, I feel bogged down by sin and most of the time lonely, even though there are several people in my life who "claim" me and a God who promises to fill any voids. Usually I'd go spend money on myself when I feel like this, but that's not something I have much of. Although I purchased a Boss TU-2 chromatic guitar pedal tuner for a good price, it's hard to allow myself not to feel guilty about it.

You'd think in these times that I'd devote more time to working on music, reading, cleaning, or practicing spiritual disciplines. I search endlessly for inspiration, yet I remain lacking.

As always, if I chose to get to the heart of the issue, I'd discover it's probably my own damn fault.

Secure

I have nothing that I feel inspired to write about (that I haven't agreed to not share in a legally binding document); hence, why I've avoided blogging over the last several days.

Have I accomplished anything recently? No, not really. Have I solved any of my problems? Certainly not...in fact, some may have gotten worse. However, today, I am on the upside of my instability, meaning that for no particular reason whatsoever, I'm feeling good, and things aren't getting me down. Some would call that secure. I would call that "luck of the draw".

And that is where I'm at today.

And I get to go water skiing this weekend.

Fin.

Urbanization, Hepatitis, Power Rangers, & American Idol: How to Spice Up Your Life

I appreciate all feedback received on my last blog post. Unfortunately, pencils are considered obsolete around this office, I have little interest in TV (especially without TV reception), and you couldn't pay me to read celebrity gossip. :-) As for the haikus, I think that is a hilarious idea...unfortunately, any department-wide e-mails have to be pre-approved, and I don't see that going over very well. However, I have been spending a little more time on Wikipedia checking out demographics for different areas people call in from. One of our biggest clients is the City of Tempe (AZ), a suburb of Phoenix. That area defines urban sprawl. I could not imagine why anyone would want to live in an urban area...in the desert, mind you. Last night I saw a program on my friend's TV where they were in Phoenix and it was 105 degrees! Sheesh! But I digress.
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Even in just the last week, I think I'm making a little bit of progress as far as being content in the here and now, but also in making real effort to make my life a little less monotonous.

Today my office is hosting a blood drive, for which I signed up to participate in. This is a big deal, as in 2002 I had a very negative experience attempting to donate blood. Now that I'm a water-holic, I figured it was safe to try again. Unfortunately, I had to open my big mouth and tell them I had hepatitis 12 years ago. Then I couldn't remember what type it was - it was in 7th grade, and hepatitis is hepatitis when you're vomiting non-stop. I would have to go to extremes that are not worth going to in order to determine what type of hepatitis I had whilst puking during several episodes of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Then, off all things...not even my own mother remembers me having hepatits!

Finally, I have a friend who is a local youth pastor and aspiring musician, who has responded to a double-dog dare from his youth to audition for American Idol next week at Kemper Arena in Kansas City. In response to this dare, he then suckered me into auditioning as well. So, on August 7th & 8th, I will be taking some paid vacation time to audition for the next American Idol. If anyone needs me at some point after that, you can find me at the top. :-)

Things To Do

The nature of my job is often pretty busy and ongoing. However, I would say that about 25% of the time, there are no incoming calls, and nothing to be followed up on. During that time...well, let's just say I can only check e-mail/facebook/blog/etc. so many times, considering the low volume of correspondence I receive. So to the few of you who actually read my blog, I am opening up the floor to new & exciting ideas for filling up my free time! Go!

Killin' Time

I have reached a painful conclusion: I feel this is what I've been doing for the past several months.

In several ways, this is a very good thing. For example, I've been out of college for over a year; for me, college meant, for the most part, all work and no play. I still wonder if I'm fully recovered from burnout. Those who know me know that I give my all in anything and everything...until I reach burnout.

However, somewhere in the mundane, I believe I was really connecting with people and doing other things which matter in light of eternity. I honestly can't say I feel the same way about this current season in my life.

Case in point: the music minister at my church is rotating me in & out to play acoustic guitar (and maybe sing in his "mini-choir"). Last night I practiced with the praise team for the first time. Even with being plugged into 3 different pedals and an in-ear monitor, the reality is that with drums, bass, two electric guitars, keys, and multiple singers, an acoustic guitar is a subtle addition at best. I know from my experience in similar setups that I have never been able to hear the acoustic guitar underneath anything...except 1 other acoustic guitar. While this is in part my response to conviction that I need to be serving in my local church somehow, it's hard to convince myself I'm not just a warm body wasting space. Disclaimer: I know that both big and small acts of service count in the eyes of God, and I am not denying that.

Since moving to KS, I have fallen into a "peer group", per se. They're great when I want to do fun stuff and for the sake of not being by myself. Things appear good and healthy to anyone that would look upon me...and us. However, let's face it - they haven't connected with me, and I haven't connected with them. They don't know where I've been, what I've faced, what I've experienced, who I've known, or the full extent of my extremely Type-C complex personality. I'm certain I've either been pegged as too much or too little.

I recently had a birthday lunch at Lambert's Cafe, where there were far more attendees than I ever anticipated, thereby causing me to further stretch my mingling skills. Reality hit me hard when for the sake of former college acquaintances, I had little to account for over the last year or so. And of course, I didn't talk about when my car flooded because I wasn't thinking about it, and it's hard for me to condense that.

I am by no means just sitting around and having myself a pity party, nor am I seeking your attention. Those days are left in the dust with Xanga. Besides, I somehow keep myself busy with plenty of things. Nevertheless, for the sake of making myself write and keeping this blog updated, this is where I am at today...just killin' time.