I've realized this much: it seems that in many ways I am living for the world (things that pass away) v. living for eternity (things that do not pass away), which I suppose is a part of the situation in which I am trapped. I know I do not want to be tied to this world but if someone gave me a check for $x0,000, I do not know if it would be that easy to let go of the things of this world I have grown accustomed to. However, I know I have made more difficult decisions than this, and I have never felt less obsolete than when I have devoted my world to serving someone other than myself.
I know there is a way out. I do not want it to take 10 years or more, but even if it does, there is a way out, and it will be worth it. I just have to find it. My soul depends on it.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
New
I'm trying something new.
What that is exactly is not as important as the fact that it is new.
I could very well not succeed, but luckily, success is not the point.
Things have been unchanging for far too long.
What that is exactly is not as important as the fact that it is new.
I could very well not succeed, but luckily, success is not the point.
Things have been unchanging for far too long.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
YHWH
I find it interesting that in the Bible, the first time God refers to himself as "the LORD" (YHWH) is after he delivers the Israelites from slavery to the Egyptians. He then spends an entire book & a half reading them the specifics of His law. In doing so, He is sure to state his reasoning as "because I am the LORD" or "because I delivered you from the hands of the Egyptians". He asks them to follow His law and to follow it to the letter for this reason, but also because that is what is most pleasing to Him.
I am not going to pretend to be a Bible scholar or a super Christian - not even for a second. However, by connecting the dots, one could come to the conclusion that the name YHWH signifies a two-fold element of God's character: (1) He is holy, and as such, He takes his holiness very seriously; (2) nevertheless, He still cares for His people and will fight for them by whatever means necessary, knowing full well they are incapable of keeping His law and will rebel.
After several more cycles of restoration & rebellion between God & God's people, plus 400 years of silence, He chose to put an end to that law and establish a new covenant by sacrificing His Son in the flesh, thus ending our separation from the Holy of Holies. It is only in God's character to do only what is pleasing to Him. He could've accomplished this in any way He wanted, but instead chose to do this in our favor.
We can't keep His law on our own. He knows this. But, not only did He choose to be pleased with us, He chose to do so in our favor. Nothing we can do is worthy of earning God's love, grace, & forgiveness, nor is it necessary.
I am not going to pretend to be a Bible scholar or a super Christian - not even for a second. However, by connecting the dots, one could come to the conclusion that the name YHWH signifies a two-fold element of God's character: (1) He is holy, and as such, He takes his holiness very seriously; (2) nevertheless, He still cares for His people and will fight for them by whatever means necessary, knowing full well they are incapable of keeping His law and will rebel.
After several more cycles of restoration & rebellion between God & God's people, plus 400 years of silence, He chose to put an end to that law and establish a new covenant by sacrificing His Son in the flesh, thus ending our separation from the Holy of Holies. It is only in God's character to do only what is pleasing to Him. He could've accomplished this in any way He wanted, but instead chose to do this in our favor.
We can't keep His law on our own. He knows this. But, not only did He choose to be pleased with us, He chose to do so in our favor. Nothing we can do is worthy of earning God's love, grace, & forgiveness, nor is it necessary.
"In God we trust...even when He looks like the enemy."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter
Here's a quick thought I have:
Easter is not over.
Yes, it may only be designated on the calendar for one Sunday per year dependent on the vernal equinox (or something like that), but Biblically, it is here and now. Christ is alive & risen here and now. May we swallow our Cadbury bunnies and let this impact our lives everyday. Though I struggle to find how this should look in my life, I long to live in the power of His resurrection.
Easter is not over.
Yes, it may only be designated on the calendar for one Sunday per year dependent on the vernal equinox (or something like that), but Biblically, it is here and now. Christ is alive & risen here and now. May we swallow our Cadbury bunnies and let this impact our lives everyday. Though I struggle to find how this should look in my life, I long to live in the power of His resurrection.
______________________________
On an entirely separate note, be looking for my EP in late 2009 (title to be determined). Maybe if I start saying this to people, I'll start working towards this and it will actually become true.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Balance
Current Location: Uncle Sassafras (car); parking lot at my apartment complex office
Currently Listening: Brooke Fraser
Currently Wanting: More
After another month-long hiatus, I'm afraid yet again I have very little to bring to the table.
This word has been very intriguing to me for the last several years - ever since the day I finally realized that I (and everyone else) am fallen, broken, and in desperate need of grace & mercy. The Bible says that for those who trust in Jesus to do so, they will be rescued from these bodies of sin & death. Until that day comes, for those who believe, Jesus asks us to live our lives in spite of this, reflecting the glory of the One who delivered us by living so much unlike who we are in our nature. He knows that until we leave these bodies, and until He comes to rule this earth, our flesh & spirit will war against each other for the balance of power in our lives. Far too often, that balance in my lives is shifted in the wrong direction. In a roundabout way, I think this is God's goal for me as I wait for Christ's return - balance. Balance between facing the truth of who I came into this world as, and eradicating that with the truth of who I am in Christ, and who God created me to be. I must confess:
This body cannot take much more.
We are an unbalanced people, of whom I am chief.
I'm ready for this power struggle to end.
I long for balance.
I long for Home.
God, help me.
Currently Listening: Brooke Fraser
Currently Wanting: More
After another month-long hiatus, I'm afraid yet again I have very little to bring to the table.
This word has been very intriguing to me for the last several years - ever since the day I finally realized that I (and everyone else) am fallen, broken, and in desperate need of grace & mercy. The Bible says that for those who trust in Jesus to do so, they will be rescued from these bodies of sin & death. Until that day comes, for those who believe, Jesus asks us to live our lives in spite of this, reflecting the glory of the One who delivered us by living so much unlike who we are in our nature. He knows that until we leave these bodies, and until He comes to rule this earth, our flesh & spirit will war against each other for the balance of power in our lives. Far too often, that balance in my lives is shifted in the wrong direction. In a roundabout way, I think this is God's goal for me as I wait for Christ's return - balance. Balance between facing the truth of who I came into this world as, and eradicating that with the truth of who I am in Christ, and who God created me to be. I must confess:
This body cannot take much more.
We are an unbalanced people, of whom I am chief.
I'm ready for this power struggle to end.
I long for balance.
I long for Home.
God, help me.
Friday, February 20, 2009
What Would You Do?
Starting this week I have added a second job to my weekly routine. Between roughly 5:30 & 6 Sunday-Thursday evenings I can be found making my way about the city amongst a plethora of other drivers who are anxious to get home. Each night this week, while in traffic at West Pennway & Southwest Boulevard, the same homeless man has been standing there with a sign that reads something like "Homeless...Help...Anything" (my memory is a little fuzzy due to an extreme lack of sleep this week).
Each time my heart breaks for this man, though I have no way of knowing who's really to blame for his state. If you know me, you know I've been given a heart for hospitality - more specifically, to practice Kingdom living by helping those in need in very practical ways; in fact, that is why I am doing everything possible to get out of debt as fast as I possibly can - ergo, why I am working 80 hours a week.
Unfortunately, I face myself with a dilemma each time in the American-ness of my ways, or a conflict of interest, if you will: I want to stop and talk to this man (even though I'm scared to) or at least give him money for food (even though he could spend it on drugs, alcohol, or something else stereotypical), but given the fact that I walk 3 football fields' length from my car to my workstation, plus have to stop to get a temporary badge until I'm issued my permanent badge for employee parking, I have to be sure I'm extra early for my shift. As I'm sure you've guessed, I've been choosing the latter, but this has been eating at me.
I keep coming back to the mid-90's mantra of "What Would Jesus Do?". Would he help the homeless man even beyond simply giving a handout and being on his way? Or, would he try and remain a good steward of his time & responsibilities for the sake of later freeing himself up for more Kingdom responsibility?
Reply to this post and tell me: what would you do v. your perception of what Jesus would do?
Each time my heart breaks for this man, though I have no way of knowing who's really to blame for his state. If you know me, you know I've been given a heart for hospitality - more specifically, to practice Kingdom living by helping those in need in very practical ways; in fact, that is why I am doing everything possible to get out of debt as fast as I possibly can - ergo, why I am working 80 hours a week.
Unfortunately, I face myself with a dilemma each time in the American-ness of my ways, or a conflict of interest, if you will: I want to stop and talk to this man (even though I'm scared to) or at least give him money for food (even though he could spend it on drugs, alcohol, or something else stereotypical), but given the fact that I walk 3 football fields' length from my car to my workstation, plus have to stop to get a temporary badge until I'm issued my permanent badge for employee parking, I have to be sure I'm extra early for my shift. As I'm sure you've guessed, I've been choosing the latter, but this has been eating at me.
I keep coming back to the mid-90's mantra of "What Would Jesus Do?". Would he help the homeless man even beyond simply giving a handout and being on his way? Or, would he try and remain a good steward of his time & responsibilities for the sake of later freeing himself up for more Kingdom responsibility?
Reply to this post and tell me: what would you do v. your perception of what Jesus would do?
Friday, February 6, 2009
$4,000?!?!?!?!
This morning when I got into work I received a call on my cell phone from a 417 area code. I was intrigued, so I decided to stop what I was doing and take the call from my patient account rep at Citizens Memorial Hospital in Bolivar, MO, whom I spoke with the day before regarding my patient account balance (which will be paid off once I receive my severance check next week). The following is a paraphrase of our conversation:
Me: Hello, this is Tim.
CMH: Hello, this is Renee calling from Patient Accounting at Citizens Memorial. I was calling to let you know that we did get your account balance updated in our system, and we do show a remaining balance of $4,....
Me: Excuse me?! Are ya SURE about that?!
CMH: This is regarding 3 doctors' visits and a hospital visit from 2006.
Me: Right, and I've been making payments on that SINCE 2006! We spoke yesterday and you told me my account balance was under $900. My most recent billing statement does not reflect any $4,000 amount!
CMH: I'd be happy to send you a copy of the bill for those services to 7575 W....
Me: That is my correct address but that is not my correct balance! You must have something crossed in your system. My original bill was over $4,000 for an ER visit in August 2006 but I've been paying on that since 2006!
CMH: Wait a second...who is this?
Me: This is Tim Sowards. We spoke yesterday regarding my account balance.
CMH: Ohhhh yeahhh....hang on a second.
CMH: Ok, I think I put your contact info into the account for another Tim who had these services. I'm showing your balance as $818.66.
Me: Ok...that sounds more correct! I'm sorry if I came across as rude, but you really scared me!
And that, my friends, was today's heart attack. I never thought I could envoke such emotion! Other than that, God is good, and life is slowly getting better.
Me: Hello, this is Tim.
CMH: Hello, this is Renee calling from Patient Accounting at Citizens Memorial. I was calling to let you know that we did get your account balance updated in our system, and we do show a remaining balance of $4,....
Me: Excuse me?! Are ya SURE about that?!
CMH: This is regarding 3 doctors' visits and a hospital visit from 2006.
Me: Right, and I've been making payments on that SINCE 2006! We spoke yesterday and you told me my account balance was under $900. My most recent billing statement does not reflect any $4,000 amount!
CMH: I'd be happy to send you a copy of the bill for those services to 7575 W....
Me: That is my correct address but that is not my correct balance! You must have something crossed in your system. My original bill was over $4,000 for an ER visit in August 2006 but I've been paying on that since 2006!
CMH: Wait a second...who is this?
Me: This is Tim Sowards. We spoke yesterday regarding my account balance.
CMH: Ohhhh yeahhh....hang on a second.
CMH: Ok, I think I put your contact info into the account for another Tim who had these services. I'm showing your balance as $818.66.
Me: Ok...that sounds more correct! I'm sorry if I came across as rude, but you really scared me!
And that, my friends, was today's heart attack. I never thought I could envoke such emotion! Other than that, God is good, and life is slowly getting better.
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